What do you 'see' in this photo?

Take another look.

A closer look.

At a quick glance, you probably ‘just’ saw an eye. But if you were willing to "zoom in", you may have actually seen (at least) something of what the owner of the eye is seeing.

(A man, camera, the hills and blue sky…)

Whether you are in parenting mode, in discussions with your friend, colleague or boss, being mindful enough in the moment to intentionally seek to see someone else’s perspective… to zoom in… greatly increases your ability to experience empathy.

Empathy is key to raising your Emotional Intelligence (EQ).

High EQ actively multiplies your communication effectiveness.

Sounds good, and simple enough, right?

On a fair day, maybe many of us do pretty well in practising “zooming in” and empathising.

However, when we find ourselves in stressful situations, our “fight and flight” mode automatically kicks in. Subconscious triggers fire off a chain reaction in our physiology that’s beyond our rational control… a whole bunch of hormones are activated and/or increased (such as cortisol and adrenalin).

In simplest terms, our bodily resources and energy are diverted to equip us for a physical response to a threat. Which is great… if you are actually needing to run away from a bear… but not so helpful if you are wanting to communicate intelligently and effectively with a person.

Momentary stress is one thing, but amidst the sweeping and extensive changes of the Covid19 pandemic, many people are living in a state of extended stress.

You have likely heard that living in fight and flight mode is not good for your health.

But let's take a moment to consciously consider how stress can often diminish our ability to communicate in an effective and healthy manner.

We’ve seen it on the news…

People screaming at each other

over the last packet of loo paper, or hand sanitiser, or spaghetti.

But it’s not limited to media clips or ‘drama’ scenes in the shops. It can be much more subtle, yet still deeply impacting.

I’ve seen it in folk around me: the tone of voice, or of emails; the response - or lack of response - to requests for, or offers of help; people in self-protection mode, with their usual EQ hamstrung, less able to consider others.

And, if I’m honest… I’ve seen it in myself too over recent weeks.

When I’ve had the capacity and clarity of mind to reflect, I can recognise the times that I’ve over-reacted, spoken too soon, or just listened poorly with my own position locked and loaded. I’ve been tempted in these stressful times to neglect intentionally zooming in to seek understanding and to empathise with other peoples' points of view.

Perhaps you can also think of a moment when you missed an opportunity to zoom in and practise healthy communication recently?

Rather than beating ourselves up, let's embrace the current opportunity to get really intentional and develop a healthy habit of "zooming in" to actively increase our empathy and raise our EQ. Only good can come from it!

Here's 3 tips that might help:

1) Memorise the picture of this eye.

Choose to use it as a positive trigger to help you consciously pause your own flow of thinking as soon as you start to feel agitated.

2) Activate your curiosity.

Before you react to what you are seeing, hearing, feeling in a conversation, stop and ask genuine questions. Seek to better understand the other person’s view.

3) Choose for a moment to argue for the ‘other side’.

Now this one takes some courage and a willingness to practise some good old debating skills! It requires you to let go of your own position for a moment, and seek to try and argue well for the other angle (regardless of how you feel about it). It takes skill and practice to do this ‘in the moment’. If you find you are struggling to communicate about an important issue in a healthy manner, I'd recommend you invest a little time and space to even write up some bullet points ‘for’ the opposing case. The goal is not to change your view, (though I've had that happen!), but rather to simply empower you see more of what the 'other' sees.

Please comment and share a tip that helps you “zoom in” and experience empathy in your communications. We’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences.