What you don't know - especially about your 'self' - CAN hurt you.

We were in the Qantas Club waiting for a flight home across the Tasman and my 18 month old daughter was toddling round wearing her pink baby sunglasses for fun. She dawdled past a full length mirror. Suddenly stopped in her tracks. Did a "180" and headed back to the mirror. She smiled at the 'other' little girl with sunnies on. But, when she took her sunglasses off - and the little girl she was watching also did so at precisely thesametime - I witnessed a light bulb switch on in her brain! Sure, she'd seen her arms and legs before... but in this very moment, her SELF AWARENESS took a mighty leap forward.

Self awareness is the cornerstone of our Emotional Intelligence (EQ).

Sounds simple enough. We all 'know' our 'self' - surely? After all the time you have spent with 'you' and I have spent with 'me'!

Yet, like the little girl in front of the mirror, we often fail to recognise what's right in front of us - or inside of us.

In the context of self awareness, ignorance is not bliss, but potentially perilous.

What you don't know about yourself - can really hurt you and be down-right painful for those around you at home and work.

How quickly can you think of something about a friend, boss, colleague or family member whose behaviourregularlyfrustrates you, or perhaps even causes you pain? Yet you also know that the person doing it seemsgenuinely obliviousto the impact they are having upon you.

Scary thought,

but...

What if someone reading this article just thought of 'YOU' when they reflected on the above statement!?

I'm not advocating we take responsibility for any one else's reactions or responses.

But I am inviting to get curious and courageous enough to openly explore how you can develop your own self awareness.

Bluntly put, if you are busy focusing all your energy and efforts on being a 'great leader', but failing to continuously and continually mature your own self awareness, you are likely to have a lot of big books on your shelves 'behind' you ... but perhaps not so many people actually following your 'lead'!

Self awareness is where your emotional intelligence starts (and for some folk, sadly, gets stuck!)

Your self awareness directly impacts your ability to manage your self and beaware of others. Your self management and other awareness capability dictates how well you positively lead and influence others.

Self awareness is a massive topic covering a broad spectrum including:

• Our physicality - our body and physical reactions;

• Our emotions - biases and intentions;

• Our values and goals;

• Our understanding of how others perceive us.

While you may be more self aware in one or two of these elements, all are important.

I look forward to unpacking more on this huge topic in future articles. For now, let me leave you with seven pragmatic tips for a common scenario pertinent to developing our self awareness....

When you receive personal feedback (solicited or unsolicited) that is been difficult to hear at the time:

1) Breathe. Be mindful of your physiology. Breathe again if necessary. Negative feedback can send your body into automatic 'fight and flight' mode, which will readically diminish your rational ability to respond wisely.

2) Acknowledge the feedback. Genuinely thank the person for sharing their observation. It likely took a lot of courage for them to do so - especially if you are their boss (and even more so if they know you as someone who has reacted poorly in the past to feedback.)

3) Seek clarification if needed. Feedback that's too general is not helpful and not actionable for you. Be courageously curious.

4) Do not respond immediately if you feel any defensive reaction rising. Instead, after thanking them, tell them you would like to honour / carefully consider their feedback by taking time to reflect on what they have said. Ideally let them know when you will come back to them.

5) Do it! Reflect on the feedback. Take time, as you promised. Intentionally let your defences drop as you find a safe, calm space to self reflect. One particularly important question to consider in this time is, "Have I honestly heard similar feedback before?" (If it's a 'yes', then it is more likely that it's worth your deeper consideration.) Write down what you feel and think as you review the feedback; try and zoom out to see the other person's view; make sure you are really curious and genuine in your self reflections.

6) Remember, it's just someone else's observation. As you reflect, keep in mind that when someone shares personal feedback with you it's their observation they are offering. While it's important to genuinely consider their opinion, but you don't have to agree with it.

7) Close the feedback loop. Don't leave feedback up in the air. Don't leave people 'hanging'. It's a killer for relationships in any context. Make sure you close the loop by communicating back your reflections on the feedback to the person who shared it in a timely fashion.

Maya Angelou puts it so well:

Do the best you can, until you know better. Then, when you know better, DO BETTER.

Thank you for taking time to read this article. Please take a moment to share any of your own tips with a comment below, or what you found helpful in this piece.

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#SelfAwareness #EmotionalIntelligence #EQ

If you recognise that it's time for you to actively improve your own self awareness or other aspects of your EQ, please feel free to reach out to us. We would welcome the opportunity to share other practical 'Here2There' frameworks and tools that can help you and your team move forward in your discovery of 'self'.